Not my problem.
...a personal life mantra.
One of my favorite personal practices is having little go-to phrases in my back pocket to return to when I feel the people pleaser in me coming in to run the show….
Self-Boundary Hack #1 - Not my problem.
I used to be someone who would take responsibility for everyone around me at all times, to the point of self-sacrificing my own well- being to make sure others felt cared for, loved, and supported.
At this point in my life, I find balance. I take care of myself first, and I support my friends and family, but I do not cross the line of letting myself spend all my energy on situations that revolve solely around another person’s happiness, healing, or views of me.
“Not my problem” is like a sacred secret I whisper in my ear when I find myself in a situation like…
Where I want to say no, but people pleaser me just wants to say YES to avoid an uncomfortable conversation... When I'm nervous to share something online even though I know the message is juicy... When I'm afraid of being myself in social situations because I'm "different"... We all face these moments. It's natural to want to feel loved by those around us. These moments of tension give us an opportunity to come back to Self, and back to our own needs, values, and wants.
Our needs come first. We must trust the relationships we have with others around us and know that if they have an issue with us, that they will come to us. If not, it's honestly not your problem. The second I started trusting others to set their own boundaries, I freed up space inside of myself.
We are all responsible for our own boundaries. We are responsible for our own lives. We are not responsible for other people's boundaries, healing, or reactions to us showing up as our authentic Self.
Navigate everything from love and intention. Honor your process. Apologize when you f*ck up. But more than anything, please keep being YOU.
All my love,