Word of the Year
Every new year, I create WORDS that embody my intention, as opposed to setting "New Years Resolutions".
For the last four years, this has helped me remain anchored into my practice, and into my Truth - especially when the world gets crazy. Coming back to a word, I've found, is much easier than trying to remember a complex intention or resolutions.
I'll be sharing these on here over the next few weeks, or perhaps months. So here we go.
One of my words for 2021 is LOVE.
I can’t help that I love so deeply that I pour everything out of me until I’m bare bones dry.
I can’t help that I share everything I can give.
I can’t help caring about everyone in my life so much that of course I want to show up for them 100% of the time.
I also can’t help that some people have hurt me and not valued my love in the way it deserves to be seen, heard, and nurtured.
I can’t help that sometimes my mind plays tricks on my heart and tells her she’s not worthy of the same nourishment she gives so selflessly to the world.
I can’t help that sometimes my mind convinces my heart that she is too much or not enough.
I can’t help that some people in my past have told me the same, allowing me to easily internalize the experience of unworthiness and non-belonging.
To be afraid to love again when you know how much love you have in your heart is the most imprisoning feeling.
These shackles are so heavy to break, so I hide in my room where nobody can see them.
And although I have an enormous amount of love to give I’m somehow caught in between loving too much and protecting my heart with dense armor so that nobody can hurt it again.
I have a hard time trusting anyone but I so badly want to open.
I so often compare where I’m at now to where I was in the past, in my bliss, wide open and fearless.
I so often drop into shame, reminding myself all too often of my imperfection.
This imperfection positions itself within the bounds of my relationships, creating a cycle of overcompensating so as to make sure that I am enough.
This is far too much for a heart to bear - one that is worthy of the same energy it pours into everyone else’s cups.
But here’s the thing, I can’t stop myself from loving so fiercely.
I can’t stop myself from feeling this warm heart-centered joy that I truly want others to feel when I touch them with my words, my presence, my hands, or my energy.
It is both a gift and a burden to feel this depth...this sensitivity...this true true love.
If this resonates I’d like to remind you of this.
You are always worthy of the love, kindness, and depth that you offer the world. Your ability to feel so much with such radiance is medicine that the world needs.
Those who are meant for us will stay with us and appreciate the love we can give, no matter how much it waxes and wanes.
We are human, and we deserve to experience the same kindness we generously give just because we want to. There are others out there who will hold us too. They won’t require explanation. They won’t require validation. They won’t require overthinking or overcompensating. They won't require pulling teeth to get an ounce of respect for our boundaries.
They’ll be true and honest and pure.
Their communication with us will flow.
And we will know.
We are all worthy of this and so much more.
So this year, as I do my own work, I commit to LOVE.
I commit to loving fiercely and unapologetically.
I commit to radical self-love.
I commit to giving for the sake of giving, and having the discernment to know when a boundary is needed.
I trust myself in this love.
I live from love and pour its sacred waters into every inch of my process.
I return to the space of knowing that love is at the core of all that is.