Today I came to the realization that I am worthy of JOY.
Yes, JOY. True, colorful, giggly, fun, loving JOY. What?!
This seems so obvious to people, but I think when we’re in situations that are not good for us, we have a resilient ability to get used to it.
Then, to experience anything other than living in a pretty constant state of defensiveness, stress, and struggle seems almost wrong or undeserved.
Does this sound familiar? We’ve all been living in a state of perpetual trauma the last year and a half, so the thought of anything positive, let alone ENJOYABLE, is almost difficult for us to comprehend.
A couple months ago I began my nomadic journey - I left my life behind in NYC (literally all of it) and I have no interest in returning.
The NYC life served my spirit so well. For almost a decade my soul was fed off of the hustle. The dark side of this was that I got so used to living in a state of constant struggle, scraping, and hustle, while living with a partner that was not very healthy for me….the thought of anything wonderful existing outside of that was completely outside of my ability to actually comprehend.
I just did the best I could with what I had, and after awhile, didn’t really think I deserved more than that.
I chose to get curious about what existed outside of the bubble I created for myself. I decided to “un-trap” myself. This is where the true healing journey begins - when we remember we have a choice to choose how we live our lives. Now, my creativity is flowing for me like never before, my business is growing and stabilizing in a really yummy, lovely place, and I’m bopping around the country helping family and spending some incredible time alone.
I’m falling in love with me and what I’ve found here is true JOY.
My brain sometimes looks for conflict still where there is none.
Yet, I notice now that where there are tense places in my life, I feel empowered to deal with them in an authentic way, as opposed to a trauma response of “I’ll do anything to feel safe”.
Here's what's bringing me joy lately...
My baby niece smiling at me as she sprints towards me…
Laughing hysterically with my best friends…
Jumping into a warm blanket fresh out of the drier burrito-style…
We are all worthy of experiencing true joy, true love, and true authentic, intentional living.
What this requires is the courage to go beyond our comfort zones. We will never know what is possible until we give ourselves a chance.
My wish for you is to experience joy today, in perhaps a small way or a big one. And when you feel that joy, capture it and put it in your pocket. Remember that it is there and can be accessed.
You have a choice and you are are worthy of it all.
All my love.
Kelsey