Putting our energy where things feel “meh” takes more energy than losing everything to say fuck yes to ourselves.
Who are we if we are half-assing our lives?
What kind of world could we create if we all just really showed up in our truth, from a place of love, instead of avoiding speaking up for ourselves — or worse — resorting violence and screaming at one another?
I personally have too much respect for my journey, my obstacles, and how I’ve moved through them to waste any time or energy on things in my life that even so as whisper a no.
I'm sure you do too. Look at how far you've come!
I have a strong block hand these days online, too.
It’s not because I’m being mean, it’s because I’m deciding to be honest and respect my own resources.
There's something personal I've been dealing with that I am ready to share.
7 months after my long term relationship ended I kept in touch with my ex because we shared a dog. For her sake, I stayed in touch and kept cordial because I knew that even though he was using her as a bargaining chip to manipulate me, I wanted to show up in love and integrity. I wanted to show up for her.
The definition of the last three years of our relationship was a dynamic of me being in love with his potential and doing his inner work for him while he gaslighted and controlled me (and I gaslighted myself in the process). He’s not changing anytime soon.
But this isn't about him. I I looked in the mirror one night a few weeks ago and decided that I didn’t want to carry around this baggage anymore, and I didn’t have to. Even if the relationship was healthy, we are never responsible for other people.
Yes, it’s been f*cking hard. Any decision that involves love for an innocent creature, is so f*cking hard. I knew that by letting go of him, like ACTUALLY, I would need to let go of this dog. I needed to take a step back from being in any way related to my life the last 6 years.
Sigh. I had to get honest and choose me, again.
Chiming in here to remind you that just because we know that something is “right”, doesn’t mean it’s easy.
The aggressive texts and manipulation and friendships lost because of his ignorance…the anger I have burning inside of my chest...it needed to be let go of for good.
Letting go does cost us. And sometimes, moving forwards in any tough moment in life means making sacrifices.
This comes with deep grievance.
Let's talk about letting go.
My friend has a cute statue of a skeleton meditating on her desk. The other night I pointed and said, that’s how I feel right now.
Letting go feels like shedding, releasing, growing, and also, dying.
But the thing is, when life really feels like sh*t, you still can look in the mirror, because what you have, always, is your aliveness.
Beyond the stories of the past and the feelings and the trauma you will consistently be working through, you are breathing. You will rise.
And you will decide, there is no more water in your well for anything remotely half-assed for anyone to drink.
So, I’m done.
And I’ve lost everything. And I’ve honestly gained everything I’ve ever wanted in the process.
The Universe works in balance.
I know the miracles balance out the heart break every time.
I’m taking this time to have patience with me, to feel the possibilities, and to continue trusting this path.
I’m saying f*ck yes to me and to those who fully love and accept me.
If you’re not 100% on my bus at this point I no longer have room for you.
If you are ready to invite in this f*ck yes energy and choose you, with love and acceptance, as we move through these times of change, I have a special offering for you.
I love you.